The Schlock Locker
All "B" movies, all the time!
Fright-Night Creature Double-Feature Review
Return of Dracula & Blood Bath
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"Return of Dracula"
Tonight, from The Locker, a blood sucking creature double-feature. First, Drac is BACK in “The Return of Dracula” followed by a flick to wash your cares away, “Blood Bath.”
The 1958 release of The Return of Dracula featured Francis Lederer as ol Drac. He has escaped Transylvania and after killing an unsuspecting traveler coming to America, he assumes his identity as a kind of artistic recluse. Listen up, Shaggy and Velma...he sleeps all day, is up all night, breaks all the mirrors in his room, shies away from crosses, and doesn’t dine with his “family” that he has glommed onto. Cripes!!! These fools deserve to be eaten. I was screaming at the TV.. “The signs are there, you goofs!” After dealing with a neurotic cousin (I think), the angel-in-training daughter, the date-rapist boyfriend, and whiney kid, he commences to draining townfolk and creating a new “family.”
This was a strange flick. Try as I might, I couldn’t belch up any sympathy for the characters. Most were annoying and one in particular, I was hoping would get “the fang.” But alas, she did not. Clearly, Drac has “a type”, young brunettes, which I found amusing. The ending was pretty funny as poor Drac got it in the end because he is clumsy. I should think that if I could turn into a wisp of smoke at any time, that as I was falling into a pit of sharp, pointy sticks would be a GREAT time to do so!
Just sayin!
Why, no.. I'm not evil!
Next in our creature double-feature, my fav of the day, “Blood Bath” starring one of my favorite Klingons, William Cambell and also a very young and very “Robin Williams” hairy Sid Haig.
This was an odd one. I am not quite sure what was happening from one moment to the next. There is this group of beatnik style artists, one of which has invented a paintball gun ( and believes he will revolutionize the starving-artist community), and they are somehow involved with this other artist who lives in a belltower and seems to either think he is the reincarnation of his great-uncle or IS the great uncle.. I’m not really sure. He lures his bevy of models one at a time in to draw them, kills them, and then dips them in wax to let them hang out for a while. Clearly, he’s never seen a single episode of CSI.
Again, it was difficult to keep up with what the hell was happening from one scene to the next. It was night, then day, then night, then night again, then day, then the next day, then the night before… wait… what?? The movie was also jumpy. I don’t know how to explain it; it almost gave me motion sickness. It wasn’t filmed in that dumb-ass handi-cam-vision like Cloverfield, it was just….jumpy. But it was highly distracting. The plot was thin, the acting was atrocious, and the main character inspired about as much fear as dryer lint. A complete failure as a movie but great schlock for the afternoon.
Enjoy….
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"Blood Bath"
May I smother your still-breathing body in a boiling wax.. you know.. for kicks?
DAMMIT... you never let me have ANY fun!