Review of Robot Monster

Robot Monster

So, what can be said about "Robot Monster" (1953) that hasn't been said before? This movie is literally iconic for B cinema. It has been listed in multiple "must see" lists for B movies and is it is more than one DVD collection of classic B movies. Ergo, I do feel it slightly amiss not having a little something about it here.

The movie begins with a family and archaeological team excavating a nondescript cave. After a picnic, the little boy Johnny goes running to the cave where his LSD trip-of-a-movie begins. He falls and hits his head and the rest of the movie, save the end, takes place in his little traumatically-injured brain.. I'm assuming! During his "brain-injury episode," Ro-man, an evil space-conqueror, wearing a gorilla outfit and a space helmet, has conquered a cave and has somehow killed off all of humanity save this one group of people. We know this because Ro-man and his Superior have a whole back flash episode and back-slapping session over it. Eight humans still live because the grandfather had developed some antibiotic to combat all diseases and, of course in true 50's fashion, he tested it on his family. This was before any of those pesky regulations about human testing came about! Well, through a convenient plot device, this antibiotic (it is called that several times) makes them immune to Ro-man's Calcinator death ray, which has killed everyone else in the world!

Watch Robot Monster on Youtube

Seeing as how his Calcinator death ray won't finish the job, he goes out and begins killing the remaining humans one at a time. He is inspired to do this since his boss has called him on the carpet for there being 8 humans left in the world..and YOU think you have a hardass for a boss! Ro-man kills billions of people with a flick of a switch and his boss gives him shit because 8 people are left.. out of BILLIONS! So, off he goes to finish the task and begins by killing the little girl. Strangely enough, he does this off camera but has no issue slaughtering everyone else while the camera is rolling. He then he strangles the scientist's assistant, Roy, and jettisons him off a hill and abducts Alice. Roy doesn't die because he later runs to the family while they are burying the little girl to tell them that Ro-man has taken Alice.. THEN then he promptly dies. As a side note, while they are having the funeral for the little girl, the grandfather gives one of the strangest, most un-apologetically callous speeches I have ever heard at a funeral.

Uhhhh, Ro-Man.. she just not that into you. BAD TOUCH!!

The bubble machine: any alien conquerer's must-have accessory of the apocalypse.

So Ro-Man, it seems, has fallen for Alice and he totes her off to his Ro-mancave for some highly inappropriate 1950's groping. If you don't believe me, not only does he try to snatch her dress off, but he tries to force her to feel up his King-King sized pecs and chest! But Alice has class and is discerning about her primate alien lovers! Ro-man makes a deal with the remaining humans that he will kill them swiftly if they give themselves up. While Ro-man is contemplating genocide and inter-species love, he gets an interstellar ass-chewing from his boss about killing the girl, which he doesn't want to do. Grandma, Grandpa, and Johnny leave for Ro-man's cave and their plan is for Johnny to stand there like the bait that he is while the rest rescue Alice. This somewhat works until Ro-man catches Johnny and rings his little neck! While the remaining 3 humans are making their escape, Ro-man's boss goes apeshit (HAHA.. get it... cause he's wearing a GORILLA costume! HAHAHA), kills Ro-man (somehow by remote control) and in a cascade of destructive stock footage, causes earthquakes and the release of dinosaurs and reptiles who have escaped from other films, most notably "One Million B.C.” and “Lost Continent." The movie blissfully ends when Johnny wakes up (kinda creepy that he dreamed his own mauling and death) and life goes on.. OR DOES IT??? Ro-man is walking out of the cave.... ITS THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT AND I FEEL FINE!!!!

Ro-Man attempts to tie Alice up and then turns to address his master

Robot Monster is a 1953 offering that has a revealing storyline, unparallelled dialogue, as well as special effects to boggle the mind! Nothing I said here is untrue! It is rife with really bad storytelling, most of which I have tried to point out. I really have a hard time getting past the damn monkey-suit and space helmet. This guy couldn't take over your local pet store much less the world. There is also this ridiculous bubble machine that is making bubbles in Ro-man's cave-of-scientific wonders the whole time. There are many sources of information for trivia for this film and some of it can be found on Wikipedia and IMDB.

A cautionary tale or trauma-induced fever-dream. You be the judge! You can find it for free viewing on "Bmovies.com" or Youtube.

AAAAAND.. turning back around, Alice has obligingly self-trussed herself like a Thanksgiving Turkey

Click on the IMDb icon for more information on "Robot Monster"

You KNOW it's important to the apocalypse when the Bubble Machine gets its own credit