The Schlock Locker
All "B" movies, all the time!
WARNING: Contains wordy dirds, stereotypes, general naughtiness and lady boobies!
You can find this on Netflix and you can watch the trailer here from Youtube.
Dolemite, who appears to be living somewhere in the DEEP south, is having a party for some local charity when a couple of southern hicks drive by and become aghast and alarmed that there is a party.. with black people! So, they go get the Sheriff, who instantly organizes the worst looking doofus-ridden posse of bigots he can find to go to raid the house and break up the party. This is before probable cause was invented. When the Sheriff and his band of rejects from the shallow end of the gene pool barge in, the honky Sherrif (Hell... now they have ME doing it!) makes a bee-line to an attractive black woman and begins sexually assaulting her in the middle of the room with everyone watching. After she runs and subsequently and justifiably knees him in the nads, he bumbles into Dolemite's bedroom, where he is making sweet, sweet love to (drumroll please) the Sheriff's wife! Deputy Dufus, on orders of the Sheriff, then shoots the wife and tries to shoot Dolemite but he is out of the bedroom and escaping like black greased lightening.
A car chase ensues but not before we are treated to a shot of Rudy Ray Moore's "little Dolemite" flopping around as he rolls down a hill to escape. Kill me now, please! He gets in a car and is chased in true 1970's car-chase fashion with the Sheriff and his inbredwagon-train in hot pursuit. Oh, I failed to mention that Dolemite loves to speak in rhythm, all the time! It is, in itself, such a crime to leave proper English behind! However, during this chase lies crappiest edit of the film. While involved in the car chase... somewhere in the DEEP south.. there is a particularly excellent shot of the “Hollywood” sign over in the Hollywood Hills. Check it out.. here, let me help you! Awesome!
Again.. in YET another part of the plot, Dolemite them finds that the gangster's wife is something of a nymphomaniac, so he dresses up like a African-American/Asian selling velvet porn-paintings door-to-door. I wouldn't have thought he could have pulled that off but he did... stereopypical big buck-teeth and all! He seduces her and she invites him in to jump him. What follows can only be described as one of the wackiest sex scenes in cinematic history. It involves hallucinations, toys coming to life, and the house coming apart at the seams falling around their ears. Presumably, Dolemite is THAT good of a lover! He learns from the freshly-sexed gangster's wife where Queen Bee's ladies are being held and they jump into action. They rescue the girls and make a plan to infiltrate the gangster's high-society party later.
At the party, mayhem ensues when Dolemite and gang burst in. This culminates in a particularly silly fight sequence and yet another car chase ending in, what the Sheriff Bumpkin believes, is Dolemite's death.
I am actually leaving a bunch of stuff out but you seriously have to see this film to believe it. From a sociological point of view, it is quite interesting as it speaks to a time in our history in which we, as a nation and society, were hot off of the heels of the Black civil rights movement. Blacks had been portrayed for so long in movies as porters, house help, etc. that this rebound of African-American heros and heroines that comprised the Blaxploitation genre was only to be expected. Perhaps this film was considered good at the time. Who knows. I do know that the plot is ridiculous and rife....DRIPPING with stereotypes, the language is such that no civilized person would accept it, and unfortunately the character of Dolemite lives to make another film. I have not viewed any of the other Dolemite offerings.. I'm almost afraid to.
There is actually so much WRONG with this film that it is difficult to know where to start. It is truly one of those offerings that you have to see to believe. From the opening title sequence which is goofy and cheap (it looks like someone wrote on the actual film stock with crayon) to the completely predictable ending this movie swims in a bath of incompetence and will-sapping hopelessness. Its on Netflix and I encourage you to experience it.
The Human Tornado
Ohhhh.. WHAT a treat I have for you today. Spinning its way from the constraints of The Locker is a classic blaxploitation flick, The Human Tornado starring Rudy Ray Moore as he reprises his role as Dolemite, the sometimes bad-ass kung-fu fightin'/ crime solvin'/ stand-up comedian and Lady Reed as Queen Bee. This is Moore's second "installment" in the swirling chum bucket of the Dolemite series and let me tell you, gentle readers, if you want a completely dated, stereotype blaring, profanity laden, and completely un-redeeming flick, please look no further.
The movie begins with different shots of Moore doing his early stand-up as an insult comic. The editors "WANT" you to believe that this is all one stand-up act but the different film qualities (and the fact that Moore goes through something like 5 costume changes) tell me that this was filmed at different times and places. After we have been treated to enough profanity and the "N" word to make Samuel L. Jackson and Paula Deen blush, we FINALLY begin the actual film.
Hover over picture and hit the arrows to slide between pictures
Intermingled with his "quick-change act" between "jokes" is a very "robust and active" gal who, I'm assuming, is part of the "act." If not, he has a VERY interactive audience!!
Yeah, Buddy.. this kinda sums up how I felt about the film too!
Dolemite and his crew then set a trap and leave their car in the middle of the road so that the pursuing deputies can smash into it and with ONE blast from a shotgun, it explodes. Lets see, now that we have multiple counts of murder and arson on the tote board, what better way to complete the day than with a little grand larceny and kidnapping. Dolemite sends one of his crew to go stick out a thumb at the interstate and when an unsuspecting motorist pulls over to give the guy a ride, they all jump in and kidnap this poor dude and take him with them to California. Of course, this poor motorist is one of the swishiest, overly-camp queens I have ever seen but, again, no stereotype will be left behind!!
They make it to California only to find that Queen Bee's nightclub had been closed. She had been pulling business away from a local gangster and he was having none of that! Sending his thugs in to bash up the place, they abduct two of the girls from the club and take them to an abandoned house, where they are tied up, sexually assaulted, and tortured by some crazy looking witch who apparently is in the employ of the Gangster. In exchange for their safety, Queen Bee and the rest of her ensemble close the club and go work for the gangster. When Dolemite finally tracks Queen Bee down, he learns what has happened and vows to get the girls returned and kill this gangster for their transgressions.
Meanwhile, in another part of the plot, Sherrif bumpkin (presumably following a trail of breadcrumbs) follows Dolemite to California and enlists the help of the local law enforcement to find him. He, of course, tells them that Dolemite killed his wife and he is out for justice. They agree to help and assign a black detective to the assignment, and Sheriff Bumpkin (this is now his official Schlock Locker name) has a conniption and vows to find Dolemite on his own and kill him.
NO stereotype are off limits! Only Rudy Ray Moore could pull off an African American-Asian door-to-door black-velvet art salesman!
They just don't make art like this anymore. I had this framed in my office and "I" caught a shitload of flack!
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"The Human Tornado"
The video that was previously here was taken off of Youtube. It was the last fight scene. Now, I've found something better!
This is that last fight scene dubbed in German! It's AWESOME!