OHHHH.....OHHHHHH... the pain! The pain! This New Year is kickin off just right with a spectacular 1967 (or 1968.. oddly enough, there is some dispute) offering from The Locker! "Voyage to the Planet of the Prehistoric Women" TECHNICALLY stars Mamie Van Doren and a bunch of other nameless chicks and some russian guys..and the clunkiest robot since Forbidden Planet! I say that because this movie is two different movies that have been kinda cut-and-pasted / spliced together to form a nonsense movie that left me in pain!





An "Earth" spaceship going to explore Venus (although it had Soviet markings) crashes for some odd reason and the spaceship on the next launch pad goes to get them! What follows is a cavalcade of mind-numbing dialogue, crappy rubber-monster costumes, and a bevy of beach babes sunbathing on the shores of a Venusian ocean. Fortunately everyone went to Venus and came back before the scientists on Earth back in the 20th century actually discovered that Venus has a toxic, sulfuric acid atmosphere of thick clouds, is about 800 degrees Fahrenheit and the pressure is about 90 times the pressure as that on earth!

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Even though the Cosmonauts, er, I mean.. Astronauts never actually laid eyes on the previously mentioned and movie-entitled prehistoric women ( it was almost like those scenes were filmed separately and spliced in ), they were convinced they were there but had to leave quickly before discovering them.

I don't even know where to start. The film is dubbed over and, as mentioned previously, the "prehistoric women" scenes spliced into an existing old soviet sci-fi flick called "Planeta Bur." I'm telling you, I have seen Halloween decorations that were made with a better budget than some of these props in this movie. Lets start off with their “god” that the previously-mentioned-but-not-seen-by-the-astronauts prehistoric women prayed to. It was a paper maché horror! But, that is kind of disingenuous since it was filmed separate from the other movie that it was “Frankensteined” into! The scenery changes from splice to splice as does the film quality. All I can say is that it is sad when cold-war-era film stock from the Soviet Union is better than the U.S. late-60's version. The BEST scene in the movies (I am calling it that now) occurred when the scientists cruising around in their little Venus-mobile shoot and kill a flying monster (fortunately we weren't subjected to ANY of that carnage) which turned out to be a pterodactyl (and the prehistoric women's god) and it washes up on the shores to be discovered by the women. When they pick it up, this ridiculous, floppy rubber puppet flops and flails all over the place like it is completely boneless. The first thought that ran through my mind was “Oh, that's where boneless pterodactyl nuggets come from!)



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All I could find was this artwork from the DVD box. If you want a movie that is rife for riffing, this movie is loaded! It is perfect! Enjoy!